coaching Archives - Life Coaching - Pure Results

Communication Frustration? How to Find the Win/Win Solutions

By | Communication | No Comments

Julie felt mad.  No……she felt steaming mad!  How many times did she need to have this ‘discussion’ with her boss Mike?  You could almost see the steam rising from her head as they threw words back and forth at each other.  No matter what she said he just didn’t seem to get it!

It had all started so well, she knew what she wanted to say but it came out all wrong, and then Mike got all defensive and now she felt like she was in the wrong.  What had happened?  As they went back and forth the words became louder and sharper, it seemed to be a downward spiral.  They both were talking but no one was listening!  The argument was bad enough but afterwards their working environment that had been so nice now seemed cold and distant.

To make matters worse, she noticed that her kids didn’t seem to care what she said anymore either.  Getting them to listen to her was all but impossible – she was at her wits end.

And then a ray of light shone through the dark clouds.  Julie heard about ‘Authentic Communication’ and it was like suddenly getting the instruction manual for having successful communication that actually worked.  It turned out by really listening to her kids and then helping them solve their own problems they are all happier.  What a relief to figure out she didn’t need to take their on their problems after all and they were delighted!

Rather than arguing about some surface distraction she now pauses to figure out what was really troubling her, fully owning that and then honestly talking about it with Mike and it feels like a new lease of life.  Plus by doing this Mike now really hears what she needs, and she hears him.  It’s like a breath of fresh air on a summer’s day.  They have their connection back and it feels wonderful for them both.

Now instead of feeling the distance between her boss and family she feels like they are all moving in harmony and growing together.  The sound of yelling at work and in her house has been replaced by laughter, warmth and smiles.  By harnessing her authentic and effective communication, life now feels great.

~Authentic Communication is ideal for anyone who is committed to improving

their professional and personal relationships to enjoy life fully~


The next Authentic Communication & Conflict Resolution course starts 6 August.  Contact Kelly for further details – 027 5555 907 | www.pureresults.co.nz

Perfection Torture? – 5 Ways to Tame Your Perfectionist Tyrant

By | Coaching | No Comments

Neil got results, he was a high achiever.  He knew it and everyone around him knew it.  He was the one who arrived 5 minutes early to the meeting and the one who always had the answers. He prided himself on having the right answers at the right time, every time.  However there were times he didn’t know the answer and then he really gave himself hell.

Perfection was the standard he strived for and perfection was the only standard that mattered.  It seemed like he’d almost get there, 99 things out of 100 would be bang on but always there was something that he couldn’t quite nail.  And it was those 1 or 2 things that he would focus on, replaying them over and over in his mind.  As these ‘failures’ got bigger in his mind the heavy, negative feelings of regret and anxiety seemed to grow in his chest.

Neil felt this relentless need to ratchet up his efforts by 20% every day.  He drove himself harder and harder but he could never reach his ideal level of perfection.  And then after all that effort only to ‘fail’ (in his mind) he collapsed, exhausted.

If only he paused, he would see that underneath his relentless urge to be better there were some very real fears lurking (although acknowledging them might be another challenge for Neil).  The biggest fear that had been driving him for years was the Fear of Failure (FoF) – a dark fear that came from Neil’s huge self-expectation to prove himself worthy.  To do that he always had to be better than everyone else, not better than one specific person but better than everyone!

People saw the great results, they saw Neil achieve success but they didn’t see the effects that followed.  His relentless drive for perfection came at a cost.   For each high that Neil drove himself towards, there was a bigger low that he sank into afterwards.  Driving for constant perfection was an emotional roller coaster.  The lows meant he was tired, moody and irritable – which was a tough and un-enjoyable place for his loved ones to be around.  It was actually damaging and tearing his family apart.  The other big cost was to his health.  Constantly pushing himself to reach his ever higher expectations was hugely stressful.  With all that stress he had less energy and less time for his family and the other key areas that really needed it.

Neil loved the highs of his successes but the lows were too much of a price to continue to pay, both for him and his family.  He wanted a way to see his success AND to enjoy a calmer more harmonious and healthier life.  Neil wanted to feel his relationships with family and friends grow rather than alienating them with his extreme moods.

5 Ways to Tame Your Inner Perfectionist

  1. Reset your internal expectations. Where do they come from? Who’s driving the bar so high?  How can any one person live up to be compared to everyone?
  2. What is success for you? Is perfection ever really obtainable or is 90% still awesome?  Or is just taking the first step into something new for the first time a success in itself?
  3. Observe your inner dialogue. What is it saying?  What tone is it using? Is it negative or helpful?  Take control of your negative self-talk to turn it positive and supportive.
  4. Practise self-care techniques, such as giving yourself acknowledgement for what you achieve (big or small).  Give yourself rest and time to recharge your batteries.  Write daily gratitude and successes lists and watch yourself flourish.
  5. Perfectionism is often inbuilt from a young age and can make up a core inner belief but it doesn’t have to be this way. Pausing to open up and say we’re not actually perfect is a courageous act that takes real strength and gives you vital breathing space to be human.

Perfection is an unobtainable goal that comes at a heavy price both to yourself and those around you.  By pausing to look internally to identify what specifically is driving this need for perfection and then weighing up the costs against the benefits you can release that un-serving pressure and really enjoy the journey.

We all have our own old lurking beliefs that aren’t serving us.  If you will benefit and grow from shinning the light in to the dark corners and putting those limiting beliefs truly in your past you will accelerate forward into your bright future.  Contact me to find out how easy this can be.